I feel like I'm in dance class right now
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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