Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
