the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
