she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Two words: blizzard sex
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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