no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
