Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
