Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
