yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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