Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
