At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
