Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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