i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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