so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
