I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
