Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
