I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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