I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
