Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
