Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
