dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
