dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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