Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
