and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
