You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
where are my eyebrows?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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