Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
