you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
