just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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