At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
