what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
