I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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