There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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