Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You may now shotgun with the bride
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
