I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
