I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A+ Viking dick
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