I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He better not be in your backpack
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
