I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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