You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
