Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
