I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize