you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
