mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
