Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You are the jesus of drinking
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
