Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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