Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Terrible idea I love it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
