i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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