I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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