I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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