dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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