I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
