on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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