Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
