I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
