the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
