the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
