A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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