Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
