I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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