Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
