True but thats because hes a fetus.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
