I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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