Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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