could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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