Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
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You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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