Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
FUCK WHALES
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
