stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
