Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
