i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
