Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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