How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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