last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
