I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
that's an acceptable place to lick
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
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I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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