the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
