I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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